It probably seems a bit odd. But, I like to eat Vegan food and I like to knit with wool.
I am looking forward to a new present from my mom. The Instant Pot that does it all. Beans, grains, soup, and soy yogurt here we come. Aren’t you excited?
::I know soy yogurt was the only thing you saw there. You might have thought, that is amazing. You might have thought, doesn’t she know that soy shit will kill all us white people. ::
I was tired of seeing ALL the online people talking about the Barn Raising Blanket. So, I snatched up a copy of knitalong in my latest order. You can read more about the book at Ravelry or on the book website
I have been having a fabulous January. My husband took his truck out and had too much fun. The kind that puts you in a snowy ditch and pisses off your wife because she wants to say I TOLD YOU SO.
But, so I don’t feel alone. My bad ass Honda Odyssey made a wonderful grinding noise on the way back from getting really crappy cheap pizza. Literally moments after my husband left for a week out of town.
It looks like this:
Trust me. That part isn’t suppose to sit on your tire. It isn’t suppose to rust in half. But, I kinda feel like it was nice enough to hang out till I drove slowly home.
How is your New Year?
It is very possible that I might have to start counting my knitting projects in ounces.
But like happiness, excellence and drive, contentment is not something you can just generate from within.
Read more at http://www.relevantmagazine.com/life/what-if-having-extraordinary-life-isnt-point#vJyPMCSoY1HeMZSS.99
We moved here a little over a year ago. I never thought this state or this little town is a place where I would end up. I thought it was a one horse town till I saw the other towns. It’s definitely a 10 horse town or however that rating system goes. We have Chinese food, Mexican Food, three markets, fast food, a ton of hotels because apparently this is the last place to stop before you fall off the map. My husband told me he really liked it here. Which is a big deal for him. I told him, I am content.
Which went over like a big ass rock in a really tiny puddle. That quote hit me at how often I have been focusing on contentment this year without noticing it. I used to really believe contentment was something you could find deep down inside of you. Something that you could go to church and get by just listening and learning and being all Christian. You could be content like you could be not-depressed. You could be content like you could be the perfect mother. There was a perfect formula to conjure up contentment just like there was a perfect formula for being a good Christian family.
These things come from somewhere else. They come from letting go. Seeking out and giving yourself to something else.
- the feeling I get when I sigh
- how I feel when I go on a bike ride and the sky is so big (hint, hint)
- when I wake up with kids all snuggle up to me
- the moment I see my husband get home from his crazy work schedule
When I get kisses from my pug who likes to seek out birdshit and I know she does that but still her kisses…
Clean sheets at the end of a long day.
Clean coffee cups in the morning.
Getting all the laundry clean.
Going to the coffee shop and no one else is there.
Contentment is like happy but sneakier.
We have Netflix instead of cable because I am cheap and I hate commercials. Which leads to obsessions with things like Dr. Who, Revolution, and Doomsday Preppers. Shows I would probably never watch if we had cable. Wait, I would most certainly end up watching Dr. Who because I am a hipster or married to one. No, we are here to discuss Revolution and Doomsday Preppers. We are here to discuss how I have deep feelings for my Mormon’s friends Shelf Reliance shelves and her secret room where she keeps buckets of grains and beans. Dude. It really is a secret room. It has a secret door. It looks like a normal door. But, I promise it holds secrets. I want Food Storage. I want my spare room to hold obscene amounts of food. I want to be like my mom and buy cans of mandarin oranges and yell at the kids when they give them away to the food bank. (When you are a kid and the food bank comes, aren’t you suppose to off load all the stuff your mom buys that you don’t like? Sorry again mom. I am so sorry.) I have a strange inner conflict with purchasing things like spam and beefaroni. I don’t like that stuff. (My friend with food storage doesn’t either. I think. Maybe she hides it.) Honestly if I could convince my husband, meat wouldn’t be here. But, you know he could die without it or something. So for now, I think I will work on food storage and toilet paper storage. I wanted to add a link to Food Storage Made Easy and not because I will get anything from that. In fact, they seem like nice girls that probably don’t need a sailor mouthed dready girlfriend. But, their site is pretty cool and if you like spreadsheets, they have one.
Shit I should stock up on in case some minor catastrophe happens and we aren’t raptured but still need to eat and probably have electricity and the boiler is still running and the radiators are still working.
- Shelf stable almond, rice or hemp milk. (I occasionally eat dairy. It makes me snotty and achy and then I feel stupid.)
- Grains (we like Jasmine Rice, Brown Rice, and Oats.) I like Quinoa, but not sure how much of that to stock. I mean people will eat it if they are starving right? It’s costly, too. But, maybe one day if I have enough I can barter with a foodie. Hell maybe I should stock up on dehydrated duck fat.
- Sauce for all that fuckin’ pasta & that horrible dried cheese my kids like
- canned fruit and veggies
- canned soup and chili
- Taco Shells and Tortillas
- Salsa because we eat a gallon a week
- Chips, Pretzels and animal crackers
- Biscoff (because it is THE SHIT)
- toiletries and paper products like diapers for my toddler who refuses to stay dry all night. The nerve.
- Cleaning Wipes because SeriousHousewifeBusiness insists
- K-cups because I went all hipster and got my husband one for his birthday (although let’s be real. I am the only person who cleans up the coffee mess. Every time I looked at the coffee grounds and water strewn all over the counter I got mad. Like maybe I have a problem mad. Like maybe I sat and thought about why in the world did I ever get married and maybe I shouldn’t be a housewife etc.) So, I bought a Keurig. Anyone can make coffee now. My coffee budget is ginormous but it is so much cheaper than the meds I was going to need.
- nut butter and jelly and honey
- baking stuff like flour, sugar, yeast
- spices and powdered onion and garlic and SALT
- cornbread mix
- instant coffee
- cold cereal
- mac and cheese
- tomato products
- cakey things in boxes
- Chocolate of some sort
- I am starting on filling up my freezer. I have been picking up meat in the mornings when they mark it down. Plus, veggies, some freezer meals, breads and maybe juice.
- canned coconut milk
- I don’t usually keep things like canned meats or boxed casserole dishes on hand. But, I have been thinking it might not hurt to have some of that. I can always give it to the foodbank if it gets close to expiration.
- Dog and Cat stuff like food and catnip and wee pads. This is a 3 month list. I have a pug. I am just happy she uses the wee wee pad.
The Mother Fucking Oh My Word The Shit Really Did Hit the Fan & We Need To Live Underground Wish List
- Move in with SeriousHousewifeBusiness unless I have my Shipping Container Commune up and running because then that Bitch knows she can move in with us.
- Thrive dehydrated foods. Heck even the ice cream sandwiches because that just seems mean to do to children. What other kinds of entertainment will we have?
- Buckets of food
- Hand crank grinder (we have enough extra bicycle around to child power the thing)
- Water, water purifiers and a Berkey
- knitting needles and a spinning wheel because it gets cold here and we need socks
- Reuseable Period Care
- Heating kinds of stuff for food and our bodies. I haven’t lived in a cold place since I was a young child who just knew her mom took care of everything. It gets cold here and the house we rent has a boiler and rads. If we build our own shipping container commune here, it will have some sort of stove heat and solar stuff. Because dude, it is my list. When I was a little girl I dreamed of all sorts of stuff. But, shipping container commune wasn’t anywhere close.
- A real dog.
I know you may not know me well enough yet. But, this blog is about being real. It is where I am going to just lay all my shit out there. You get to hear the real girl. I promise to confess regularly about my lack of planning, cleaning and housewife skills. I don’t possess them. I seldom feel like improving on. It goes in spurts. I make menu’s like this and keep to them half the time. I don’t make them because I am uber organized. I make them because I am lazy and forgetful and a touch ADD. When I am sitting in the kitchen and it is past 6, I can open my cabinet and see the plan. Then I can make something to fit in the plan. Somewhere around 7, which seems to be too late for some people, we can eat.
::Rotating Autumn Breakfast Menu::
Monday: Apple Pie Oatmeal
Tuesday: Tofu or Egg Scramble with corn tortillas
Wednesday: Waffles or pancakes
Thursday: Homefries and Toast
Friday: Pumpkin Pie Oatmeal
Saturday: Coffee Cake and omelets
Sunday: Something easy
::Rotating Autumn Lunch Menu::
Monday: Peanut Butter & Jelly
Tuesday: Baked Fries & Leftovers
Wednesday: Chickpea Salad on Homemade Bread
Friday: Beans and Tortillas
Saturday: Mac & Cheese or Ramen
::Rotating Autumn Dinner Menu::
Monday: Crockpot of Beans with Tortillas
Tuesday: Asian (Nori Rolls, Curry, Peanut Noodles, Ramen)
Wednesday: Potato Soup
Thursday: Kabab, Falafel (Chloe’s cookbook), tzatziki sauce
Saturday: Leftovers and Baked Fries
Sunday: Soup/Stew with Biscuits OR Pasta/Sauce
Today we had Vegan Pumpkin Bread for tea. We didn’t actually have tea though. I had coffee and little ones had stevia watermelon flavored water. I know. The excitement. The healthiness of it all. I thought if I was going to start a blog with the title Bitch the Pot, then we should talk about tea. The pumpkin bread was good enough for my non-picky 5 and 3 year old children. They are those kids who think a can of black olives is a treat. They have no idea that pumpkin bread can be sugary sweet like cake and covered with frosting. It’s boring for pumpkin bread. But, I have high hopes that I can eat it without my ass getting any bigger.
My oldest two children are in their teens. My normally melancholy quirky child decided he wanted to be friendly to my normally social and happy go lightly child. I was informed numerous times that Mr. Melancholy was much too happy and, “keeps coming in my room and saying Hi to me” while Mr. Melancholy had nicer words to describe Mr. Golightly. Namely words that describe man bits.
The highlight of my day was dealing with one of our birds who passed away late yesterday. We had to decided between backyard funeral or frozen taxidermy experiment. I will let you guess which one. Let’s just say my husband won the award for having The World’s Greatest Wife.
Today is the day before The Man of the House returns home. (He has an odd work schedule which I won’t share with you in case you are one of my crazy neighbors or a stalker hot on housewives.) This means TODAY is the day I am suppose to be cleaning and organizing and getting my shit together.
GET MY SHIT TOGETHER LIST
- Pick up all the shit in the yard.
- Clean the shit off the floors (toys, food, abandoned animal crackers).
- Clean the sheets. Not because anything frivolous went on mind you. But, because I like clean sheets. On my, if I were rich list, having someone change all my bedding each morning is number one.
- Wipe down the kitchen.
- Plan next weeks menu.
- Write out the grocery list for this week.
- Plan a resemblance of homeschool goals for the upcoming week.
- Take recycle to the recycling center. Don’t just put it in the van and forget the bins aren’t by the washer and then proceed to find a pile of stuff because the kids had no idea the bins weren’t there.
- Clean up Dad’s man cave where the kids ate food when I told them not to. I was stern about it, too. They still did it.
- Thaw meat. Because my husband is absolutely convinced that he needs meat when he comes home. He says he works hard. He might die without it. I plan on stew. Which last time he didn’t want to eat the first night he was home. He made it into burritos which he told me he didn’t want either.
- Write down the things I am thankful for.
Shit I am thankful for
- Moody teens
- puppy shit
- biting toddlers
- an 11 year old who tried to nurse a sick birdie
- A new freezer, from my mom, to collect things that need to be frozen.
- Sometimes Tea