Dear Diary

Today we had Vegan Pumpkin Bread for tea.  We didn’t actually have tea though.  I had coffee and little ones had stevia watermelon flavored water.  I know.  The excitement.  The healthiness of it all.  I thought if I was going to start a blog with the title Bitch the Pot, then we should talk about tea.  The pumpkin bread was good enough for my non-picky 5 and 3 year old children. They are those kids who think a can of black olives is a treat.  They have no idea that pumpkin bread can be sugary sweet like cake and covered with frosting.  It’s boring for pumpkin bread.  But, I have high hopes that I can eat it without my ass getting any bigger.

My oldest two children are in their teens.  My normally melancholy quirky child decided he wanted to be friendly to my normally social and happy go lightly child.  I was informed numerous times that Mr. Melancholy was much too happy and, “keeps coming in my room and saying Hi to me” while Mr. Melancholy had nicer words to describe Mr. Golightly.  Namely words that describe man bits.

The highlight of my day was dealing with one of our birds who passed away late yesterday.  We had to decided between backyard funeral or frozen taxidermy experiment. I will let you guess which one.  Let’s just say my husband won the award for having The World’s Greatest Wife.

Today is the day before The Man of the House returns home.  (He has an odd work schedule which I won’t share with you in case you are one of my crazy neighbors or a stalker hot on housewives.)  This means TODAY is the day I am suppose to be cleaning and organizing and getting my shit together.


  1. Pick up all the shit in the yard.
  2. Clean the shit off the floors (toys, food, abandoned animal crackers).
  3. Clean the sheets.  Not because anything frivolous went on mind you. But, because I like clean sheets.  On my, if I were rich list, having someone change all my bedding each morning is number one.
  4. Wipe down the kitchen.
  5. Plan next weeks menu.
  6. Write out the grocery list for this week.
  7. Plan a resemblance of homeschool goals for the upcoming week.
  8. Take recycle to the recycling center.  Don’t just put it in the van and forget the bins aren’t by the washer and then proceed to find a pile of stuff because the kids had no idea the bins weren’t there.
  9. Clean up Dad’s man cave where the kids ate food when I told them not to.  I was stern about it, too.  They still did it.
  10. Thaw meat.  Because my husband is absolutely convinced that he needs meat when he comes home. He says he works hard.  He might die without it.  I plan on stew.  Which last time he didn’t want to eat the first night he was home. He made it into burritos which he told me he didn’t want either.
  11. Write down the things I am thankful for.

Shit I am thankful for

  1.  Moody teens
  2. puppy shit
  3. biting toddlers
  4. an 11 year old who tried to nurse a sick birdie
  5. A new freezer, from my mom, to collect things that need to be frozen.
  6. Coffee
  7. Coffee
  8. Coffee
  9. Sometimes Tea

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